


in your phone; fifth harmony groupchat au

by frangipanejauregui



Series: five gays in a band (ot5 pairings) [1]
Category: Fifth Harmony (Band)
Genre: Alren, Camren - Freeform, F/F, Fifth Harmony - Freeform, Multi, Norminah, Other, ally is the mom friend again, allysin, allysus, caminah, chancho and cheechee slay me, dc3, group chat au, groupchat, groupchat au, issa groupchat au ayy, laurinah - Freeform, laurmani, laurmila, platonic camren and platonic caminah is my shit, wow never been done before
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-30
Updated: 2018-03-20
Packaged: 2019-01-26 19:39:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 4,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12564704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/frangipanejauregui/pseuds/frangipanejauregui
Summary: daddy: HOW BIG IS THE SPIDERcameela: BIGGER THAN YOUR DICKlern jergi: C H A N C L Anormami: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOUR PROBLEMSallysus: LAUNGAUGAUUAGEdaddy: I DONT HAVE A FUCKIN DICKcameela: ITS THE SIZE OF MY BIG TOElern jergi: USE THE CHANCLA YOU FAKE-ASS HISPANICSdaddy: IM NOT EBEN HSIpANIC---or, the one where ally is the ultimate mom, camila sits on dinah a lot, normani just wants her friends to chill, and lauren questions her sexuality.





	1. watch your h ec kinf lUGangueage

**Author's Note:**

> lern jergi: lauren jauregui  
> cameela: camila cabello  
> daddy: dinah jane hansen  
> normami: normani kordei  
> allysus: ally brooke

_cameela added lern jergi, normami, daddy, and allysus to the chat_

_cameela named the chat fifth harmony_

cameela: hloooooOOOOOOOO

lern jergi: what the hell camz?

normami: ^^

daddy: i protest these freaking usernames

allysus: swEARING IS NOT TOLERATED ON MY GOOD CHRISTIAN SERVER

daddy: I SAID FREAKING

lern jergi: is that dinah

daddy: yes

lern jergi: then watch ur language dinah

daddy: bish i do wtf i want

allysus: you guys are coming to church w me this sunday

cameela: wow look at us all having fun and getting along

normami: i think we get along better in real life

daddy: yeah somebody needs to take laurens phone away

lern jergi: now why woukld you say that

normami: i agree with daddy dinah

normami: because when you tweet its either rhapsodizing about taco bell or roasting trump

daddy: nice 5 dollar word

normami: thanks babe

cameela: wtf does rasodizing mean

allysus: lauNGAGE


	2. lauren is probably drunk right now

allysus: wait if normani is normami and dinah is daddy… are they mom and dad??

cameela: yeeS

normami: flock to me children

daddy: i helped make ALL of you

allysus: i want to be mom

lern jergi: we’re just one big awkward family

cameela: ally and I are the kids 

cameela: and lauren youre the cool aunt that shows up to every reuinion drunk off her ass

lern jergi: nice


	3. camille candelabra

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hey i just tagged this under camila/lauren so i cant wait for all the team delusionals to come at me right now:
> 
> I HATE CAMR*N.
> 
> not the ship itself. i love the ship. its the camr*nizers. (not all of you, some of you are lovely people, but the vast majority)
> 
> please stop. youre obtrusive and obnoxious and awful with your "QUE CONFIRME CAMREN" on laurens perfectly normal, camila-free instagram posts. they hate it, and if camila was gay and wanted to come out, you people have blocked her from doing so because of the backlash she'd get and the rise of camren rumors. its hurting the girls so much.
> 
> ok sorry. on to the good stuff now.

lern jergi: i want to know who gave camera cabesa the right to make this chat

cameela: you are begging to get a banana shoved up your asshole

daddy: no one gave her the right, she is and independependdependent woman

normami: can you all chill

lern jergi: i think its illegal then

daddy: where is our adult supervision

allysus: right here queers

cameela: literally none of us are gay

cameela: o wait we have lauren

cameela: one of us are gay

lern jergi: um i beG UR PARDON I AM STRAIGHTe AS A telEPHOne {PLO

lern jergi: also it’s *is

allysus: its cute that you all think youre straight

allysus: a few years of experience will clear that right up

allysus: EVERYONE IS A LITTLW GAY

normami: ally whoa i’ll get your bible

allysus: appreciated

cameela: like ‘your clothes is big on you’

lern jergi: that was like 3 years ago

lern jergi: there is no need to bring it up whenever i correct your grammar, you undersalted tortilla chip

normami: are we all forgettoing that camila threatened to shove a banana up laurens ass

lern jergi: i would like to forget that thank you

daddy: forgettoing

normami: im breaking up with you

lern jergi: #norminah

daddy: we literally arent dating

allysus: homosexuals

daddy: im from the ghetto i wanna forgetto

allysus: CAMILA CABELLO

normami: im not sharing my takeout w you

daddy: nOOOOOO MANI

lern jergi: no her name is camille candelabra

cameela: produce aisle here we come

cameela: change is jingling within my pockets

cameela: as i go to buy a single banana to shove up laurens butt

lern jergi: aaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLYYYYYYYYYYYYY

allysus: camila you cannot shove a banana up laurens butt

cameela: you dont own me


	4. canola, ruler of darkness

lern jergi: im gonna go get coffee

lern jergi: do yall want some

allysus: psl please

lern jergi: ok mom

cameela: ooh me

lern jergi: how do you take your coffee camzi

cameela: as DARK and BITTER as my SOUL

lern jergi: ok so one white chocolate mocha

cameela: wait nO

daddy: w h o o p s

cameela: NO

allysus: hun she right

cameela: I AM THE DARKNESS 

cameela: FEAR ME

lern jergi: you literally are draped across me as I type this

normami: youre also wearing a giant-ass bow

allysus: you cried during kung fu panda 3

daddy: let’s not forget her favorite phrase is “te amo” with several smiley faces after

cameela: you will regret this

lern jergi: yes i am sure we will all sleep fitfully tonight

lern jergi: now get off me so i can go get your white chocolate mocha bb

cameela: gracias lolo te amo :) :) :) :) :)

daddy: how evil was that text message amiright

cameela: DAMMIT


	5. they should form a band

cameela: lauren

lern jergi: yes

cameela: LAUREN

lern jergi: i am sitting right next to you

cameela: LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUURRRRRREEEEEEENNNNNNNNN

lern jergi: TF YOU WANT

allysus: LAUGUUAGE

lern jergi: ALL I SAID WAS TF FIGHT ME ALLYSON

cameela: i had an idea

lern jergi: and your idea is

cameela: well, me, you, mani, dinah, and ally are like the ultimate squad right

lern jergi: thats true

cameela: so… 

cameela: we sHOULD FORM A BAND

lern jergi: …

cameela: AHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

daddy: i really hope youre joking chancho

cameela: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

allysus: dont worry im on my way to beat her ass with a bible

lern jergi: no need als ill beat her right now

cameela: nOOOOOOOO

daddy: ok was that allysin or allysus that said that

daddy: because she swore, but she is also on her way to beat mila with a bible

allysus: i am just ally

daddy: …

daddy: *sHRIEK*

cameela: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

daddy: where did you go for

daddy: um

daddy: 5 messages

lern jergi: i was tickling her but apparently she didnt learn her lesson

lern jergi: dinah did you really just count the messages

daddy: ………………..maybe

normami: fuckifngng

daddy: ally are you really just ally again

allysus: … yes??

daddy: this sid …….. unnatraual

lern jergi: im getting strong drunk vibes from dinah

lern jergi: despite it being 10 am on a saturday and her being underage

daddy: idk, those things have never stopped you before, have they

normami: ooh oucH

allysus: OOOOOOH

lern jergi: yeah….. i probably deserved that

cameela: so is that a no to the band??

allysus: canola, sweetie,


	6. normani is done

cameela: im sick

daddy: do you need to lie down, chancho?

lern jergi: shes already lying down

lern jergi: on TOP of me

lern jergi: please dinah get her off

lern jergi: shes gonna contaminate me

cameela: this is so you regret tickling me yesterday

daddy: nah b it’s cute im leavin her there

daddy: shes like a lil baby kangaroo in its mothers pouch

lern jergi: diNAH JANE HANSEN

cameela: heheheheheheheh 

cameela: im never leaving

allysus: cmon lauren, you little wuss, mila weighs like 90 pounds

lern jergi: it feels like more when her bony butt is poking into my soft underbelly

daddy: underbelly ???

cameela: okay hey

cameela: i can withstand a lot of thisngs

daddy: oh my god

cameela: but i’ll PERMIT YOU

cameela: to leave my thicc booty alONE

daddy: oh mY GOD

cameela: my butt is gLORIOUS

cameela: G L O R I O US 

daddy: oH MY GOD

cameela: NOT,,,,,,,,, BONY

cameela: G L O R I O U S

lern jergi: well all i know is it hurts my stomach

daddy: *pops pocorn*

normami: YOU CANT EVEN SPELL POPCORN RIGHT BiiiiiiiiiiIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITCH

daddy: whERE THE HELL DID YOU COME FROM NORMANI

normami: yo momma

allysus: i think yall need adult supervsion

daddy: as opposed to child super vision

daddy: because with adult super visison you can see thru walls n shit

normami: im criygin

allysus: LUAUAGUEGeng DIANH

daddy: um excuse my name is denise

cameela: are we all ignoring the fact that normani just did a “your mom” joke

normami: it was not my proudest moment

lern jergi: ok camzi you can stay

lern jergi: f o r n o w

lern jergi: but if i get up im not warning you first 

lern jergi: and you will get dumped onto the couch

cameela: …… fine

daddy: its a good deal

daddy: can i sit there next

lern jergi: no offense but you weigh a l o t more than camila

lern jergi: and my ovaries cant take much more of this abuse

daddy: thats what she said

cameela: oh my god

allysus: you called?

normami: why cant my bandmates just be fuckdihgn nOMRAL


	7. U  S  E   T  H  E   C  H  A  N  C  L  A

cameela: CHEECHEE

daddy: CHANCHO

cameela: I NEED YOUR HELP

daddy: WHAT IS IT NOW BABY

cameela: THERES A SPIDER

daddy: …

daddy: mila sweetie i love you to death but you are 19 years old

daddy: you can kill a spider yourself

cameela: :(

cameela: its glaring at me

lern jergi: KARLA CAMILA

lern jergi: ARE YOU CUBAN OR NO

cameela: SI LAURENCITA

lern jergi: USE THE CHANCLA

lern jergi: U S E T H E C H A N C L A

normami: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD LAUREN CHILL

cameela: aaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA 

cameela: PANTALONES DE DIOS

cameela: IT MOVED

daddy: yup living things tend to do that

normami: wow i could /taste/ the sarcasm in that text

lern jergi: denise pls stop roasting the fuck out of canola and heLP HER 

allysus: mila did you literally just use “pants of God” as a curse

daddy: HOW BIG IS THE SPIDER

cameela: BIGGER THAN YOUR DICK

lern jergi: C H A N C L A

normami: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOUR PROBLEMS

allysus: LAUNGAUGAUUAGE

daddy: I DONT HAVE A FUCKIN DICK

cameela: ITS THE SIZE OF MY BIG TOE

lern jergi: USE THE CHANCLA YOU FAKE-ASS HISPANICS

daddy: IM NOT EBEN HSIpANIC

allysus: LAUHEHGUE

lern jergi: THTAS RAIGHT

lern jergi: FAKE HISPANIC

cameela: WAIT

cameela: I GOT IT

cameela: YYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

daddy: wow you chancla’d that sucker real nice

normami: chancla me in the ass daddy

daddy: um no thanks

lern jergi: wow thats… not something i thought i’d hear today

daddy: but can i just say

lern jergi: dinah no

daddy: um dinah YES

lern jergi: oh no

daddy: if i HAD a dick

lern jergi: no

daddy: it would be WAAAAAAAAAAAAy longer than your big toe

lern jergi: nO

cameela: like... four inches??

normami: ouch

_lern jergi has left the chat_


	8. dinah is camila's goth gf

_cameela has added lern jergi to the chat_

cameela: no WAY youre getting away that easily

lern jergi: DAMMIt

daddy: whats wrong lauren? do you not like us? huh? HUH?

lern jergi: yes i literally hate all of you 

lern jergi: thats why were a band

lern jergi: because i fuckin hate you all so much

normami: noted

cameela: well i love you all

normami: also noted

normami: now i know whos getting the bigger christmas present

lern jergi: can you not understand sarcasm

daddy: awww i love you too camila

normami: oh ew ew EW theyre cuddling

allysus: thats hOmo SEuxual

cameela: try, nano-brain, to rise above the reproductive frenzy of your noisy little world… and contemplate friendship

daddy: oh my GOD

normami: that hurt ME aa little bit

lern jergi: doctor who quote?

lern jergi: nice

allysus: huh, wow, i knew those big words were too complicated for camila to come up with

normami: oof

lern jergi: fyi, camila is actually very smart

cameela: you wanna go? i’ll get off dinah’s lap RIGHT NOW and slap your five foot nothing BITCH ASS through the ceiling of this tour bus

allysus: i am your MOTHER

allysus: plus wym five foot nothing youre barely two inches taller than me

lern jergi: this is more aggressive than she’s been in a good while

lern jergi: i’d say watch out ally

normami: i like how lauren is just peacefully observing while camila smacks ally repeatedly with an empty water bottle

lern jergi: if i had popcorn id eat it but i dont 

lern jergi: so ill just sip my tea

normami: why isnt dinah putting her two cents in

lern jergi: because she’s underneath camila and ally trying to fend for herself

daddy: IVE ESCAPED

lern jergi: “if my friends are this crazy… does that mean i’m that crazy?” -camila

allysus: SAYSY THE GIRL THAT JSUT BEAT ME WITH AWATER BOTLE

cameela: you offended me

allysus: i offended you? you called me a bitch ass and threatened to slap me through the ceiling

cameela: YOU OFFENDED DINAH.

cameela: NO ONE DISSES MY CHEECHEE AND GETS AWAY WITH IT

daddy: aww bb you dont have to fight for me

daddy: maybe pick on someone your own size 

daddy: not that poor defenseless lil troll

allysus: THATS F U C K I N I T

_allysus changed their name to allysin_

lern jergi: oh SHIT

allysin: t h i s i s W A R

cameela: im scared cheechee

daddy: dont worry chancho im here

lern jergi: a w w

allysin: Homo Sexual

daddy: not today satan

cameela: ill thank you to leave my goth gf alone

cameela: STOP LAUGHING LAUREN

lern jergi: BIG TITTY GOTH GF

cameela: stOp

daddy: she’s right though


	9. hey ya know who's gay

cameela: u guys wanna hear a secret

daddy: hell yeah

allysin: me too

normami: tell us

cameela: lern is super gay

cameela: she just doesnt know it yet

daddy: ooh, we know, we know, we know

normami: really??

lern jergi: thats incorrect

lern jergi: i am Straight

cameela: thats also incorrect

cameela: im literally watching you scroll through halsey’s instagram right now

cameela: youre making the stupidest faces

daddy: jsjadhjfhkjdakh REALLY

allysin: wow she just exposed you like that

allysin: no regrets

daddy: nice one walz

cameela: my pleasure

lern jergi: WHERE EVEN ARE YOU LOOKING AT ME FROM

cameela: everywhere and nowhere

daddy: how far down is she?????

lern jergi: SToP iT

cameela: oh she’s at least 45 weeks deep by now

cameela: ive been trying to stifle my laughter behind this couch for an hour or so

lern jergi: ILL GET YOU

cameela: laurens gay for halsey, laurens gay for halseyyyyyyy

cameela: laurens gay fo

allysin: LMAO LOOK AT THEM GO

daddy: what is it with camila and getting into fights

allysin: better her than me

normami: she beat you up yesterday

allysin: for the record, i did NOT deserve that

allysin: i still have bruises in the shape of a water bottle

daddy: allyson, that water bottle was disposable plastic

daddy: it doesnt even go a foot if you try and throw it

allysin: excuse you i have delicate skin

normami: i wish you were all normal

daddy: no you dont

normami: yeah youre right

normami: if you were all normal it would get pretty boring around here

lern jergi: damn straight

cameela: gay*

cameela: OH N

allysin: you shouldnt have done that

allysin: why? for the same reason you dont sneak by a beehive unstung……… and then go back and smack it with a stick and also try and bullfight a swarm of bees with a pride flag

normami: that was a very colorful description

allysin: thanks

allysin: it took me ten minutes

daddy: i want to know whats going down over there

allysin: im sure your lazy ass can hear it from your bunk

daddy: all i hear is mila screeching and lauren laughing maniacally

normami: basically, lauren is sitting on camila and tickling her and camila is screaming bloody murder

daddy: cute

daddy: is she crying yet

allysin: almost

daddy: daTE

lern jergi: no thanks

allysin: i cant believ you stopped tickling camila just to answer that text

normami: why do we have this groupchat if we are all on the same bus

daddy: so you all can update my lazy ass on whats goin down in the living room

normami: tru

daddy: what now

allysin: YES lauren successfully got camila to cry

allysin: ono now she feels bad

allysin: ok theyre cuddling

normami: YOU OWE ME TEN BUCKS DINAH 

daddy: DAMMIT

cameela: ??

normami: i bet her ten bucks that lauren would cuddle with camila after getting mad at her

allysin: thats oddly specific????

normami: im an oddly specific girl

allysin: fair enough

lern jergi: i forgive you camzi

cameela: (lauren’s gay for halseyyyyy)

lern jergi: WHY YOU LITTLE-


	10. yeeT

daddy: i wanna cuddle with milaaaaaa :(

cameela: COMING

lern jergi: hey thaT WAS RUDE

normami: lmao she just used lauren as a springboard and laucnhed herself towards the bunks

allysin: why does dinah never get out of bed anymore

daddy: why would i get out of bed when i have a tiny minion at my beck and call

daddy: mila get me my hot cheetos

cameela: no

lern jergi: i will

daddy: :/

lern jergi: what

daddy: youll eat them all

lern jergi: not ALL of them

daddy: AAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLYYYYYYYYYYYY

allysin: stop typing my name like that

daddy: tell lauren she cannot eat my hot cheetos

allysin: lauren you cannot eat dinahs hot cheetos

lern jergi: ok :((


	11. alloween

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> halloween chapter late af yaaaaaay

allysin: hAPPY ALLOWEEN

cameela: um *halloween??

allysin: um *alloween??

allysin: my name is ally not hally thx

normami: this is some quality content

cameela: r we going trick-or-treating?

allysin: we’re all in our 20s

cameela: that DOESNT answer my question

cameela: we have a day off so why not

normami: speaking of, where are laurinah

allysin: you and mila were asleep but they dressed up as sexy bees and went out clubbing

normami: …

normami: wow that sentence was a roller coaster

cameela: they got druNK?? without me??

normami: youre underage

cameela: SO ARE DINAH AND LAUREN

normami: but you actually ACT underage

cameela: im gonna pretend i didn’t see that

allysin: also last time I woke you up from a nap to go out clubbing you pelted me with hairbands

allysin: it hurt

cameela: ... sorry?

lern jergi: aaaaaaaYYYYYYYYYYYYOOOOOOOOJDHuhewli\sdwmfe

daddy: were abckp!%%

allysin: oh good its the drunk sisters

allysin: how are my sexy bees

lern jergi: soooooo drryuuuunk

lern jergi: hey diansh

daddy: yeahd laeruenn

lern jergi: did u nkow taht the alpanhbet has tewtenty won letteras

daddy: but alyrueb i thought the alsdbabert had 26 lerters?

cameela: i-

allysin: let them finish

lern jergi: o ur rigth i fortgot U R A B

daddy: hey tahst wfunny ebcause i am a bee

lern jergi: mee too thanks

daddy: me toeo thanks

normami: w ha t

cameela: i see no difference from sober laurinah


	12. w h i p p e d

lern jergi: you guys

lern jergi: can you tell camila that im NOT obsessed with halsey

lern jergi: she wont shut up

cameela: w h i p p e d

daddy: um

daddy: well you do have a hopeless sweatshirt in black, white, and yellow

lern jergi: one color doesnt MATCH everything

daddy: they are 60 dollars each

cameela: yeah if you can afford $180 worth of halsey merch then you can afford a taxi

cameela: “taxis are expensive” whiny bitch

lern jergi: that doesnt prove anything

lern jergi: theyre really soft and warm and worth the money

cameela: yeah for ONE sweatshirt

cameela: you also made her sign all of them and wear them for a day

cameela: because you wanted them to “smell like her”

lern jergi: you have NO proof of that

allysin: lets not forget you went to 6 of her shows

lern jergi: i was PERFORMING

lern jergi: we have a SONG together

cameela: a gay love song

cameela: that YOU helped write

allysin: you performed in miami and los angeles

allysin: but not in anaheim, oakland, inglewood, and san diego

allysin: you didnt even get in for free

lern jergi: ok ok but i DID get a discount and front row seats

lern jergi: yall are just jealous

allysin: maybe, but youre hella whipped

lern jergi: no im NOT

cameela: may i remind you tht you have room 93, badlands, and hfk not only on itunes

cameela: but also saved on spotify, in cd form, and on vinyl

cameela: and you insisted on having her sign all the cds and records too

lern jergi: …

lern jergi: okay so maybe im a LITTLE obsessed


	13. if you give dinah a turkey liver

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> im sorry in advance. happy thanksgiving

lern jergi: happy thanksgiving binches

lern jergi: im thankful for all you girls and whatnot

cameela: i-

allysin: let her speak canola

allysin: this may be the only day all year she ever says something nice to us

cameela: but what is she thankful for Specifically

lern jergi: normani’s ass

daddy: wow same

normami: wow same

cameela: i hate you all

lern jergi: im thankful for camila cuddles too if that helps

lern jergi: and when you talk really fast in spanish 

lern jergi: and when you fall asleep on my lap when we’re watching netflix together and i pretened im mad but i actually love it sm

cameela: aww i love you

allysin: this is the best laurmila interaction ive ever seen

daddy: its camren yo

allysin: um NO bitcth

allysin: laurmila is the platonic relationship, camren is romantic

daddy: ally has a bachelor in camila and lauren studies

cameela: who gave it to her

normami: me

lern jergi: laurmila is my bro-tp

cameela: an-y-ways

lern jergi: dont change the subject on our love, canola

cameela: hey you may be my one true love but i csn still beat the shit out of you

lern jergi: um

cameela: can we get a turkey??

daddy: ON IT

normami: DINAH HOW DID YOU FIT THST ENTIRE FREKAING TURKEY IN THE MINIFRIDGE

daddy: ;;;;;;;;;)))))))))))))

allysin: i wanna carve it

normami: raise you hand if you know how to carve a turkey

normami: you got the job ally

allysin: i’d like to thank the academy,

lern jergi: hey just carve the fuckin turkey im a hungry Gay

cameela: that was the most chill angry message ive evr seen

lern jergi: well im a growing girl and i need to eat

daddy: growing… outwards

normami: sizzle

cameela: OKAY DINAH I LOEV YOU 

cameela: BUT YOU CANT SAY THAT SHIT TO LAUREN UNDER MY WATCH

cameela: YOU MADE HER SAD LOOK AT MY BABY

lern jergi: that was hella uncalled for :’(

daddy: uncalled for? i dont know her

cameela: cheechee you better apologize to lauren this second or i will throw the whole turkey at you

allysin: nO

daddy: ...im sorry lern

daddy: you have a beautiful figure

lern jergi: thanks dinah :)

normami: laurinah is my shit

cameela: WHAT THE FUCK

normami: all i said was

cameela: NO WH AT THE F U C K

cameela: THATS NASTY

normami: WHAT IS IT

cameela: ALLY REACHED INTO THE TURKEY N PULLED OUT A HUGE-ASS LUMP OF F L E SH

allysin: ITS JUST A LIVER CHILL THE HECK OUT

daddy: N E A T

cameela: dinah ill give you 10 bucks to eat it

daddy: um no thanks

lern jergi: tbh why are we touring on thanksgiving anyways

lern jergi: this is a terrible idea we should not have bought a turkey

cameela: tell that to dinah

allysin: ABORT ABORT DINAH HAS THE LIVER

cameela: R U N


	14. this guy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is me shamelessly stealing stuff from lms because the stupid joke made me laugh so hard i cried

lern jergi: guess who has two thumbs and

lern jergi: this guy

cameela: two thumbs and what?

lern jergi: this guy

cameela: why does that actually make so much sense

allysin: lauren how high are you

lern jergi: 5 foot 4

allysin: that’s not…

allysin: ugh never mind

allysin: how the hell did you even get weed on the tour bus

cameela: honestly im jealous

cameela: lauren can get anything through security

cameela: shes taken baggies of weed through more times than i can count

cameela: meanwhile, the first time i ever got on an airplane i got stopped and frisked because they thought my toy car was a switchblade

allysin: why…

cameela: true story

daddy: lauren are you smoking right now

lern jergi: no officer im not holding any weed

daddy: thats not what i asked

normami: wtf why did a blunt just go flying past my head

allysin: that was the best possible thing that could have happened

cameela: read up mani

normami: okay

normami: ohhhhhh

normami: lauren come retrieve your blunt

cameela: where did she even go

cameela: how is she hiding from me 

cameela: this tour bus is small

cameela: LAUREN WHERE TF ARE YOU

daddy: and this entire conversation is a trainwreck

lern jergi: …

lern jergi: this guy


	15. rip clara oswald

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> for the 3 year anniversary of face the raven and the 3 year anniversary of the fact that im still not okay

cameela: doctor who is great until i have a lauren sobbing in my lap

allysin: which ep

lern jergi: she sacfrifiecd herswefl,,,,,,,, for thejn dodctor,,,,,

cameela: face the raven

allysin: dang i dont blame lauren then 

allysin: in fact, why arent you crying, camila??

cameela: i am on the inside, my friend

daddy: face the raven hurts like a bitch but just w a it for heaven/hell sent/bent

daddy: the demon twins of dw

cameela: i cannot believe you made me read those episode names like that with my own two eyes

normami: idk i kinda hate clara

cameela: whATT

allysin: WHATTGSD

lern jergi: NHWIGYAt

daddy: it was at this moment that normani knew…. she fucked up

normami: I JSUT RELLAY DONT LIKE HER OKEY

daddy: HOW CAN YOU NOT LIKE HER SHES THE HOTTEST ONE

daddy: A HOT BISEXUAL BRITISH TEACHER BIKER

cameela: @dinah you sound exaCtly like lauren did earlier

normami: im an amy girl

daddy: oh youre one of thOSE fans

cameela: well im a whouffle shipper so fight me bicnh

normami: …

daddy: i bet she ships smillan too *gags*

normami: smillan?

daddy: matt smith and karen gillan

normami: o hell yeah 

_cameela removed normami from the chat_

cameela: go in peace

daddy: WALZ ADD HER BACK SHES GOING NUTS

daddy: SHE WONT SHUT UP

lern jergi: CAMZI AND I CANT HEAR THE TV

_cameela added normami to the chat_

allysin: lets all just be nice

normami: CLARA DOESNT D O ANYTJING

cameela: clara is badass, clever, gorgeous, loyal, and compassionate 

cameela: but i guess so is amy

cameela: i really do like amy but i just like clara better so

normami: that was very mature but i still hate clara

lern jergi: HAVE SOME RESPEXCT SHE JSUT DIED


	16. 6th melody

daddy: hey guys

allysin: no

daddy: listen here alyssa i dont need your shit

allysin: weLL YOU KNOW WHAT DENISE MAYBE I DONT NEED YOURS EITHER

normami: I LEAVE FOR ONE FUCKIN MINUTE

cameela: alyssa and denise? what about me?

normami: youre canola

cameela: o ok

cameela: do lauren!!

daddy: gladly

lern jergi: woah buy me dinner first

cameela: you have been stopped

cameela: that is an OFF

cameela: TOPIC

cameela: QUESTION

lern jergi: stop referencing vINES

cameela: nobody fuckin touches my girl

lern jergi: IM NO ONES GIRL

allysin: that’s lesbian activity

normami: lauren is lern 

normami: next question

cameela: okay um what are you

normami: nerp

cameela: CANOLA, LERN, NERP, DENISE, AND ALYSSA

cameela: heLL YEAH WE’RE 6TH MELODY

daddy: okay hold on why are you first

normami: yeah

cameela: BC I CAME UP WITH 6TH MELODY

allysin: I WANNA BE FIRST

lern jergi: what the fuck is goijng on here anymore


	17. normally is real????

_allysin changed their name to allysus_

allysus: yall are a bunch of h ea t h ens

daddy: thanks for coming to ally’s ted talk

lern jergi: i mean we all knew i was going to hell anyways

cameela: if lauren’s going to hell i wanna go too :(

allysus: gay is a si n

daddy: oh you need to shut uP

daddy: everyone knows you and mani make out whenever youre drunk

cameela: WHhagTat

lern jergi: WHGSGSTA

allysus: DINah THAT WAS A SE CERTC

_normami has left the chat_

_allysus added normami to the chat_

daddy: answer for ur si n s

lern jergi: IM SO SHOOK 

lern jergi: i think camz is more shook tho she’s curled up in a ball crying on the couch

cameela: MY SH I P

normami: ALLY WHAT THE FUCUK

allysus: laugneage?

lern jergi: honestly im more surprised that ally gets drunk


	18. synonyms= sin

cameela: i now declare today OPPOSITE DAY!!

daddy: ally is tall

allysus: dinah is smart

lern jergi: oof dinah she got you good

daddy: lauren is straight

daddy: camila is funny

lern jergi: excUsE you dinah camila has a terrible sense of humor

cameela: :’)

daddy: why do you leap to defend her all the time

lern jergi: bc she is definitely, definitely not my small little baby nugget

allysus: straaaaaight

daddy: you sure aren’t one to talk, allyson

normami: why arent yall roasting me yet

cameela: opposite day cancelled

cameela: we gotta tell her

daddy: bc you’re flawless

allysus: and perfect

cameela: and incredible

lern jergi: + you got dat ass

daddy: CAN YOU STOP BEING GAY FOR LIKE 3 SECONDS

lern jergi: sure

daddy: 1

daddy: 2

lern jergi: did you see ash’s new wig? omg its sooooooooooo pretty and it looks so good with her tour outfit

daddy: g o d


End file.
